TW: this is for victims of SA.

I’m writing this because I need to hear these things, and I’m sharing it because I doubt I’m the only one.

It wasn’t your fault. Period.

No one gets to gatekeep by telling you that what they experienced was worse, or that what you experienced was not that bad, or that they experienced more of it or over a longer period of time or by someone closer to them than the person(s) who hurt you. What you experienced is equally valid. It’s still valid even if no one believes you. It’s still valid even if the legal system decides there isn’t enough evidence to press charges. It’s still valid even if they didn’t convict your abuser(s). It’s still valid even if you yourself weren’t willing to acknowledge what it was at first, even if you didn’t realize what it was at first. It’s still valid even if you waited to get help or report it. No one is valid for treating you like you and your experiences aren’t, whether they know what happened to you or not.

No one gets to dismiss or diminish the reality of your PTSD. It doesn’t matter if your symptoms don’t look exactly like theirs or if they think theirs is worse or if they don’t understand how it affects you or if they don’t think it’s real. It doesn’t matter if they don’t think you experienced something that could have been bad enough to give you PTSD. No one gets to tell you that you need to get over it, or that you should be able to get back to normal life, or that you need to mask your symptoms. No one gets to tell you that you can’t talk about it. No one gets to treat you like what you’re experiencing or what you experienced isn’t real. No one gets to treat you like you don’t deserve better justice or compassion than they themselves received when they went through something similar and didn’t receive enough.

No one gets to tell you it was your fault. It doesn’t matter if you did play some part in putting yourself in a dangerous situation. It doesn’t matter if you trusted someone who, as it turns out, did not deserve your trust. No one is entitled to hurt you just because you didn’t know better than to stop them, or just because you weren’t able to stop them, or just because you were vulnerable. They chose to do something evil, and that is not your fault. Even if you said yes to some things, you didn’t say yes to it all. Even if you were in a bad place mentally, emotionally–even if you were looking to self-sabotage. Even if you loved them, or they said they loved you. That does not give them the right to do what they did.

It’s easy to blame yourself. It’s easy to minimize what happened. It’s easy, too, to fall back on unhealthy coping mechanisms because you can’t face your reality now. It’s easy to punish yourself.

You deserve better.

You deserve better than what they did to you.

You deserve better than how others are treating you because of what happened and how it’s affected you.

You deserve better than how you’re treating yourself.

It’s okay to love yourself, even now. It’s okay to love yourself through this. It’s okay to love yourself when you are still far from healed.

What happened to you does not diminish your worth. It does not make you unloveable. I promise you that.

I felt so worthless, so disgusting, for so long. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to move on. I didn’t think anyone could love me. I certainly didn’t think I could ever love or forgive myself.

I wish I could go back and give that version of me the love that I have for myself now.

I’ve been loved by so many people in that time. I feel more loved right now than I ever did at any point in my life. A lot of that love comes from me. More of it than I know comes from simply being able to see the love that was already there, now that I love myself.

I’m not more worthy of love now than I was then. My heart simply holds more.

Life got better.

I don’t live in fear anymore. I don’t live with the paranoia that I did. I’ve repaired a lot of the general trust that I’d lost. I have so many wonderful things going on in my life, and I have hope and faith that there is more to come.

I need you to know that I love you. I love you despite your self-loathing, despite your weaknesses and struggles, despite the way others have treated you, despite the way you treat yourself.

I need you to know that you have what it takes to get through this. You have what it takes to make more of yourself than what you feel you are right now. You have what it takes to see it inside yourself.

I need you to know that as you are patient, and compassionate, and kind to your body and your mind, that over time, you will find things get better. You get better.

I need you to know that you will be able to forgive yourself, even if it takes time.

I need you to know that you are so much more than you think you are, and you are definitely more than others have made you feel you are.

Please know that. It wasn’t your fault, and despite how you may feel now, it will not define you or your quality of life forever.