I’m not doing a YouTube livestream on this one–at least, not yet. It’s a bit more complex and warrants more than me rambling to my laptop.

Here’s my background on the subject: I haven’t held down a job since the Walmart I was at laid off all their temp workers a couple days before Christmas, 2016. I was three months pregnant at the time, so I didn’t bother reapplying anywhere. I stayed home until that November when I got a job at JoAnn, and once there, I didn’t even last a week. My mental and physical health were so poor that I quit and just stopped coming in. I tried working on and off for the next three years and could barely hold down anything part-time. Heck, even part-time has been too much for me in recent months.

So here we are. 2020. The year pretty much all of humanity seems to loathe, and not without good reason, I suppose. As for me? Life has stayed pretty much the same, except I’m getting healthier. And lately I’ve been desperately wanting to trade places with my husband and be the full-time working spouse.

But how do you go from staying home to working a full-time job when you’re paranoid you’ll end up overwhelmed and quit within a week again?

Here’s the process I’ve been going through.

First of all, I’ve been experimenting for the last three years with self-employment and MLM types of jobs. TransAmerica, Beachbody, DoTerra, self-publishing books, trying to make money off of my blog and YouTube channel. Despite absolutely loving all of it (and continuing with some, AKA I am an author and YouTuber), I haven’t actually made much money off of any of it. That’s slowly become a motivator to get me back into the workforce.

Now that I’m here, having experimented and desperately wanting to move forward, I’m being careful. I don’t want another three-day job attached to my social security number. I want to last at the next place that hires me. So, I’m cheating: I’m working at DoorDash. It’s been about a week for me. I get to work when I want to, I can cancel or end my shift at any time, I don’t actually work under anyone, and I make real money.

I was terrified and anxious before the first two shifts. I almost didn’t make it out the door for either of them. My process included having my husband pray with me to know if what I was doing was right and to give me the strength and courage to go through with it. By the third shift, I was actually looking forward to it and made it through the door just fine.

My experience with DoorDash has already tested me. When you’re figuring out if you’re ready to go back into the workforce, you have to make sure whether you’re ready to handle being around other people and handling things when they go wrong. I’ve started to prove myself, but I’m still worried that if I’m continually tested I’ll start to wear down and get overwhelmed. I’m still worried I won’t last. Thus, I’d like to give myself at least another week or two of doing this before I start working elsewhere.

However, that may or may not happen. I’ve already applied somewhere and they seem to want to hire me right away. (This isn’t anything special, just a warehouse position that urgently needs people.) It is part-time, though. I may just give in and give it a go.

I hope that you were able to learn something from my experience that will help you in your journey. This is such a difficult place to be, especially when you don’t have the experience necessary to start working at a job you actually want (like me). I’d personally really like to be picky but I don’t think I have that option right now.

I also desperately want to start my own business with The Hope Boutique. Ideally it will be a physical shop with dozens if not hundreds of different kinds of merchandise, and I’ll host classes on crafts and mental health. (Two separate topics. And intertwined.) For now, I can’t start my own physical business. At least, I don’t think I can. And even if I could, I would definitely get overwhelmed. So, I’m also in the planning stages so that as soon as I’m ready, I can start doing something I love. That gives me something to work towards, something to look forward to.

It’s a weird sensation, looking forward to something. That’s a thing I hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

Let me know if you have any more tips. I’d love to hear from you! I could use more help with this subject, myself.