Struggles with Depression

Hey guys! I have been so stinking busy the last month. Just some updates:

  • I’m on a CPAP now. It sucks.
  • I’m taking the Submission Possible course. It rocks.
  • I’m co-authoring an awesome book with acclaimed author, Troy Lambert. It’s fun.
  • I’m writing a Swan Lake retelling. It’s my favorite.
  • I’m managing my self-care boutique, which is currently functioning as an Amazon affiliate for the sake of drop-shipping during COVID. It’s kinda dead.
  • I’m preparing for a class I’m giving at LTUE this year. You should come!
  • I’m struggling with depression. Major sucks.

I’ve actually been on a roll. This will be my 9th day in a row writing a chapter a day for my Swan Lake retelling, if I write in it. I’ve been doing so good! But today, it’s hitting me hard. I’m struggling with some unhealthy coping mechanisms, and they’re only making me so depressed. In fact, I’m so depressed, I don’t even want cake. That’s pretty bad. We even have some mousse “torte” cake, which is my absolute favorite. And I don’t even want it.

I’m not sure what today’s going to look like. Fridays are generally harder anyway, because my husband comes home and spends three hours playing D&D (he does get paid though) while I watch the kids some more. It’s almost 4 and I’m sort of dreading the next few hours. We’ll see what happens.

I think in part I’m just struggling with how I’m going to get my name out there as an author. I’ve got big ideas and good stories, and if I end up making a lot of money I’m going to do big important things with that money rather than hoard it or spend it all on myself. But I have to get people to care about me. And I suppose, now that I think about it, the way to get attention is to start doing those things I need money for even though I don’t have money. That’s definitely something to think about.

I don’t know. I’m just feeling kind of stuck. And like I’m in over my head. I’m trying to accomplish too many things. Aren’t I? I think it’s manageable, most of the time. But there are days. Days like today.

I guess I have a lot to think about. Like what concrete things I actually want to do once I have the money. How I want to specifically make a difference in the world. I have ideas, but my ideas are the outcomes, not the projects themselves.

Hmm.

Well, I’ll go work on that. Thanks for reading, and for caring!

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